Catharsis
by JacksonFrost
Summary: Albus reflects after Ariana's death. "And he wonders how he missed all that when she was alive, because now she’s dead, and everything that made Ariana so wonderful is gone, stolen by death."


**Catharsis**

_-death that hath sucked the honey of thy breath-_

Ariana's tiny in death, her once-rosy cheeks cold and waxy, and Albus can't look at this shell of his baby sister. Aberforth is rocking back and forth next to Ariana's body, clutching her lifeless hand, and Albus tries to ignore him too. He stares fixedly at his hands, focusing only on breathing (and not that Ariana will never breathe again, _oh Merlin_).

"This is your fault," Aberforth says suddenly, harshly.

Albus doesn't look up. _Inhale. Exhale._

"Completely your fault," Aberforth continues relentlessly. "If it wasn't for you and Grindelwald, Ariana wouldn't be-" He breaks off, and Albus hears a muffled sob.

He waits for the urge to comfort his brother to hit him, but he doesn't feel anything. _Inhale. Exhale._

"You chose _Grindelwald _over your family, and look what happened," Aberforth says thickly. "I hope you're happy now. Now you can go off and rule the world without your _defective_ sister dragging you down. Right?"

Albus doesn't respond. He doesn't question the validity of Aberforth's accusation, he doesn't deny it, he doesn't accept it, he doesn't _feel._ He's numb, and it's easier that way. _Inhale. Exhale._

"Right?" Aberforth says again, a bit desperately this time. "That's what you wanted all along. This is your fault! You know that, right?"

In the logical part of Albus' brain, he knows Aberforth is craving relief from the guilt that he may have been the one to cast the spell that killed their sister. He knows that all Aberforth wants is Albus to admit that yes, it's his fault, and he knows that he should, because it _is_ his fault. He knows he should, but he can't. That would require feeling, and breaking off the thick mask of numbness, and he can't. _Inhale. Exhale._

Aberforth mumbles something under his breath and stands up, disappointment etched all over his face. Albus can feel his piercing stare, but he doesn't look up. _Inhale. Exhale._

"I thought you were supposed to be such a great wizard," Aberforth says, anger choking his voice. "But all you are is a coward." He tosses Albus a disgusted look and storms out of the room.

Albus bows his head, accepting his brother's words as truth. _Inhale. Exhale._

--

He remembers a scene of Ariana laughing, clapping her hands, asking Albus to make more pretty lights, and then of her wide eyed look of wonder, illuminated by yellow, green, red, blue sparks of light. He remembers Ariana's look of adoration, of admiration, and he remembers that smug sense of importance he gained from that look, and her plea to show her more pretty magic. He had showered more lights upon her, feeling benevolent as he watched her giggle and try to catch the sparks of lights with her hands. And then the lights triggered something in his mind, and he abruptly turned to go share his brilliant idea with Gellert. He smiled, thinking of Gellert's exclamation of joy and his appreciative look, and he didn't notice that Ariana was crying until she had attached herself to his leg and was begging for more pretty lights. He impatiently tried to shake her off and turned to Aberforth with frustration. "Can't you take her?" he snapped.

Aberforth glared at him, and Albus pretended not to notice the look of disgust, and told himself that Aberforth had no reason being upset- after all, didn't Albus play with Ariana for half an hour? Didn't Albus entertain her with magic that _Aberforth_ couldn't even do?

"Ariana, please, let go. I'll show you more lights later," Albus said irritably. "Aberforth is going to play with you now."

Aberforth muttered something foul under his breath, and Albus told himself that it must be directed to Ariana, and that _he _would never be so mean to their little sister. He shook his head disapprovingly at Aberforth as he watched his brother grab Ariana and tickle her. Ariana giggled reluctantly, and Albus quickly walked out the door.

He heard Ariana scream when she noticed his departure, and he recognized the signs of an oncoming fit. For a second, he considered going back and helping Aberforth, but then he thought of his idea, and of how excited Gellert will be, and he hurried out the door, telling himself that he must be mistaken, and Aberforth could handle it anyway.

--

Albus doesn't realize he's crying until he notices the splatters of tears on his hands. He looks up. "I'm so sorry, Ariana," he whispers, and hesitantly takes her hand. "I was a horrible brother. I didn't deserve you. And it's my fault you're dead. I'm sorry." His voice breaks, and he cries for everything he's lost: Gellert, Aberforth's respect, and most of all, (_oh Merlin)_ Ariana.

He looks at Ariana, and instead of seeing the fits and the tantrums that he defined her by when she was still alive, he sees the laughing, happy little girl she was in life. He sees her trusting, sweet nature, he sees her infectious excitement, he sees the love she had for her family that shone from her eyes whenever she looked at him. And he wonders how he missed all that when she was alive, because now she's dead, and everything that made Ariana so wonderful is gone, stolen by death.

And Albus can't stop crying.

* * *

**AN: for Penelope Fiction's competition on the HPFFC forum. We were supposed to write a story based on a quote from Romeo. Mine is really loosely based on the quote, but hopefully it still fits. Review please! :)**


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